cj

"Yearning for Stillness: Contemplating Intensive Meditation"

Transcript: I wonder at what point do I take a few weeks off and try to practice meditations very seriously, in the sense like maybe going to a meditation retreat or I don't know, maybe I need to go to Swami's and actually go meditate with other people. Maybe that's something that becomes a more regular practice for me, is getting in the habit of meditating with other people and just practicing different kinds of meditation as well, or Buddhism. There's some draw that I have instinctively to it and I would feel remiss if I never got to experience some of these things. I don't know how I prioritize this in my life currently, if that's something that I just go off and do because it is something I must do. Maybe it clears the mind. I bet for me it would be incredibly frustrating. Frustrating in the sense of... My mind likes to wander and being focused on the breath is very hard for me and for me it can be quite difficult. Once everything in my mind has gone out of the mind, I just think, when is the meditation going to end? And I guess that is the practice I'm up against. The thing that I noticed last time I meditated was I probably spent three minutes wondering when is this going to end and it is a strange thing wanting something to end. Why do I want that to end? It means I'm placing some other importance above it as well, I believe. And I don't know. I guess just what does it mean to be alive? It's okay to slow down. In some sense it feels like me not accepting being able to slow down and just be present, like legitimate. That's what it signals to me. That's something that I'm definitely curious to work on.